Motherhood isn’t Mary Poppins
With honesty and humour, Tina shares her perspective on motherhood and how working with Cerridwen is helping to shape her own journey as a mother.
Don’t get me wrong, from the very first time of screaming my way through a 38 hour labour on baby no.1 to losing six pints of blood and an emergency C-section on baby no.5, I have never regretted the blood, sweat and tears that go with being a mother.
Yes, I have often felt like a human Border Collie, incessantly herding my little lambs everywhere; or a human Bloodhound tracking and sniffing out dirty socks and missing school uniform from various nooks and crannies of a never-tidy bedroom.
A human vending machine, breastfeeding on demand, followed by almost two decades of piteous bleating,” Maaaaam, I’m hungry” every day, (invariably 2 seconds after I tried to sit down with a cup of tea).
My multiple roles over the years have included:
“Referee”- separating warring siblings from killing each other or Barbie.
“General repair person” – expertly hospitalising Barbie and reattaching head, arms, legs, etc. Sewing a favourite teddy bear’s eyes back on or glueing the bumper back onto Action Man’s ‘all terrain vehicle’. (I strongly dispute the ‘all terrain’ claim. Couldn’t even handle the three steps down from my garden).
“Triage nurse” -first,assessing the severity of injury. A&E? Doctor? Cold compress? Elastoplast? The severity of illness. 24 hour bug? Temperature within Calpol levels of treatment? Check for spots, throat, skin, bad breath, toxic waste level nappies. (This generally gets easier the more children you have). Then “full-time nurse” because children love to share bugs, although not so much the Barbie.
“Professional entomologist” – learning quickly to identify every stage of the head louse life cycle and accurately assess the running speed of the green tiger beetle brought into my kitchen by my son. (Very, VERY bloody fast).
“Seamstress” – excelling in patching holes in trousers and hemming hand-me-downs and producing costumes with less than 24 hours notice because the memo lay forgotten at the bottom of a school bag along with a long-lost fur covered tangerine.
“Mould removal expert” -(See above tangerine reference).
“Taxi service provider”. Believe me when I say this starts surprisingly young.
“Human Encyclopaedia” – the never-ending questions, which invariably start with the word “Why……?”
“Cheerleader” – sporting events, plays and concerts. (Earplugs discreetly provided in emergency situations e.g., descant recorders and a rendition of “Silent Night”).
Friend, confidante, provider of free make-up and of course, the awful harridan who refused to allow a 12 year old to get a tattoo….The list goes on.
But what I can’t fully describe is the ferocity of the love I feel for my children. The mother lion fury that rises when my children are threatened. No matter how small the threat may be. This is the part of Cerridwen’s story that I fully understand.
She wanted to help Morfran, her son. She wanted to help him rise above his unfortunate looks and with the aid of Her powerful spell, become wise, beautiful and gifted. Her fury at Gwion Bach’s intervention and receipt of those three precious drops of magical liquid is pure motherly rage. She wanted to protect Morfran from the judgmental cruelty of the world, and She was willing to do whatever was necessary to achieve this.
Since working with Cerridwen I have discovered what is right and wrong in my relationship with my now adult children. I now realise that I can’t always protect them. They don’t always want or need protection and so need to find their own way in the world.
After swallowing Gwion Bach in his final transformation from wren to grain, the seed grew within Cerridwen until She gave birth to Taliesin. She now found herself holding Her baby son who had the same qualities that She had wished to bestow upon Her first son Morfran. I can only imagine the maelstrom of emotions that She must have felt – hate, love, confusion and then finally the most difficult decision of all, to send Her infant son out into the world, to share his wisdom and gifts with mankind.
Cerridwen has taught me to let go -not of the love, because that will never happen, but to set healthy boundaries and not allow myself to be treated badly anymore, even if it means letting go of those relationships I thought most precious. Knowing when to let go or say no can be the hardest thing for a mother to do but I am learning how to do this. I still feel the need to protect them at all costs. To go without so that they don’t have to, but I have learned to trust that it is time to step back. From the first moment tiny fingers grasped mine to the moments now, when their adult hands steady my arm. They are loved unconditionally. All different personalities, some which I like, some which I don’t. But I will never stop loving them or worrying about them. I am not Mary Poppins “practically perfect in every way”, I am a Mother “perfectly imperfect in every way”, with many more lessons of my own to learn before I am wise enough to guide others.
Tina Morgan
Apprentice Sister of Cerridwen ( Still learning, always learning, never stop learning).
I am Mother to 5 children and Nanna to one. Studying a modern language degree with the Open University and a first spiral apprentice on the Priestess of Cerridwen course run by Bee Helygen. I have read Tarot for 40 years and have practised energy healing for almost as long.
I am Menopausal, extremely batty, have ADHD and am on the Autistic Spectrum, I live in Brynamman South Wales with cats ( one of whom has aspirations to subjugate all humans and become their evil overlord )and an insane Labrador who truly believes that she is the incarnation of “Skippy the Kangaroo”. Despite the barbed wire fence and land mines by my front door, two of my adult children have found me and moved back in….I am currently writing this from my secret underground bunker in a back garden……somewhere in Wales…..